Thursday, August 2, 2012

Wait. I WANTED him to talk?


The following is a verbatim one-sided transcript.  I opened my laptop, and for seventeen minutes I typed down everything that came out of the DragonMonkey's mouth.

******************

Mama?  You hungry?  Would you pwease eat me?

Mama, can you pwease eat me?

Mama, would you pwease put me in your tummy?

Mama, can I pwease get in your tummy?

May I pwease have that cat food?

May I pwease eat that cat food?

May I pwease have this?

May I pwease have that? Pwease?

May I pwease get in your tummy?

May I pwease have nonope [oatmeal]?

Mama, you make nonope?

May I please eat some nonope?

Mommy.  Mommy, yook.  Yook.  Mommy, yook.  Yook right now.  Mama, YOOK.  This bewongs in Mommy’s room. Mommy, yook in my eyes.  Not at tv.  Mommy.  Mama.  Ma, yook.  YOOK AT ME.  Mommy, this bewongs mommy’s room.

May I pwease have an egg?  In a bowl?  

Yes, I want more nonope.

May I pwease be done now?  Thank you.

May I pwease go poo poo?  Thank you.

MAMA, ALL DONE GO POO POO!  WIPE MY BUTT!  MAMA!  COME WIPE MY BUTT!  RIGHT NOW, MAMA!  WIPE MY BUTT, RIGHT NOW!

I sorry.  Mama, may you pwease wipe my butt?

Thank you.

Mama, come here.  Hold still.  I need to cut you.  Quit moving so hard, I need to cut you.

GIVE ME BACK MY KNIFE!

Mama, may I pwease be done stand in corner?

Mama, may I pwease have my knife?

There.  I cut you.  You dead.

May I pwease have some peanut butter?
 
May I pwease put peanut butter on da couch?

May I pwease jump on da couch?

May I pwease jump on da peanut butter? 

I sorry.

May I pwease have wings?  May I pwease fwy?  Would you pwease give me wings to fwy? 

Can I fwy?

I not have wings?  Birds have wings?  May I pwease cut wings off bird and put on me?  Put one wight here... put other wing wight here... and I fwy away.  Pwease?  Pwease give me wings from bird so I can fwy?  

Bird no need wings.  I need wings.  I take wings.  Cut wings off bird.

Not cut bird?  Why?  Make Mama sad?  Make Mama sad if DragonMonkey cut bird and take da wings? 

I take da wings.  Bye, bird.  Mama go cry. 

Make Mama sad?

Mama, yook.  Mama, pwease yook at me.  Pwease.  May you pwease wook at me, Mama.  Pwease?  Mommy.  Mama, pwease yook.  Pwease yook.  Mama.  Pwease?  Yook.  BANG.  You dead. 

No, Mama, keep yooking.  Mama, you dead.  Mama, yook again.  Pwease.  May you pwease yook at me?  Bang.  You dead again.



Creepy little kid. 

I liked it better when he mumbled.  At least I could pretend he was saying sweet things.

17 Comments:

Blogger Justaplainsam said...

At least he says please.



LOL

August 2, 2012 at 2:40 PM  
Blogger sahara4d said...

That takes "mother may I?" to a whole new level....

August 2, 2012 at 6:43 PM  
Blogger AareneX said...

When my kids talk to each other in Korean, I *know* they are only saying sweet things about me.

>>not just a river in Egypt<<

August 2, 2012 at 7:22 PM  
Blogger Rebecca said...

He's a boy. Through and through. Jake tells me all about what he is going to shoot or cut or whatever for the day. You are not alone!

August 2, 2012 at 8:19 PM  
Blogger Rebecca said...

He's a boy. Through and through. Jake tells me all about what he is going to shoot or cut or whatever for the day. You are not alone!

August 2, 2012 at 8:19 PM  
Blogger Bif said...

I was thinking what Justaplainsam was: At least he's polite. Please, Thank you, and sorry?

(He'll at least be a very polite serial killer. (Not really, but I couldn't resist!!))

August 2, 2012 at 9:56 PM  
Blogger Veronica Foale said...

At least he has lovely manners. Hahahaaaa. Ahem.

He reminds me of Isaac, who never ever stops talking. Ever.

August 3, 2012 at 4:44 AM  
Blogger Tat said...

There are lots of please-s and thank-you-s in that speech, that's nice ;)

August 3, 2012 at 4:57 AM  
Blogger Jamethiel Crabb said...

He'll be like Dexter! As Bif said, "The world's politest killer."
Also I'm thinking we're good with Kaeden's Japanamation babbling. Much cuter and pointing is fine. I can always pretend I don't know what he's pointing at and give him something baby safe, like milk or an ice cream sandwich.
Tip: Don't give an ice cream sandwich to a toddler, although it did let me cook dinner without having to reach over every five seconds and grab something out of his hands...but the mess....*shudder*

August 3, 2012 at 5:05 AM  
Blogger redhorse said...

How long before he leaves home?

August 3, 2012 at 8:06 AM  
Blogger mugwump said...

Sure redhorse...and then who's taking him in?

August 4, 2012 at 9:34 AM  
Blogger redhorse said...

He is awfully cute, and he has those good manners....

August 4, 2012 at 1:13 PM  
Blogger Dom said...

"Mama, can I cut you?" Uh... no, but you can go up for adoption. *shudder*

August 4, 2012 at 9:28 PM  
Blogger Half Dozen Farm said...

I bet that he's really, REALLY sweet........when he's sleeping. LOL! :)

I just spent the weekend camping with my aunt and uncle and their grandson. He's my 4 year old 2nd cousin. I had my almost-6 and 8 year old daughters with me. Every waking minute it was, "Clark? Where are you? Answer right this minute! What are you doing? Come over here. Clark, put that down! Clark, don't push/hit/smack/poke/whack/pinch/scratch the girls/dogs. Clark, if you don't come over here you're going to have to lay in your bed. No, Clark, you can't get up yet. Clark, get back here! No, Clark, you can't go down the river rapids. Where's Clark? Clark, spit that out. Clark, don't eat rocks!" On and on and on and on...ALL weekend!!

All I have to say is, THANK GOD FOR LITTLE GIRLS!! :)

August 7, 2012 at 11:38 AM  
Blogger Tracey - Just Another Mommy Blog said...

I gotta say, he's very polite about his mutilations....

August 18, 2012 at 4:09 PM  
Blogger Fiwen said...

No new blog posts?! D:

August 26, 2012 at 3:02 PM  
Blogger Trae Flett said...

I can so relate to this one! My boy is speech delayed and I was so desperate for him to talk. Now he doesn't shut up!

October 7, 2012 at 7:52 PM  

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