Sunday, April 29, 2012


I went to the Knott's Brunch thingie today.

All was delicious.

I'm pretty sure I consumed about 7-8,000 calories in one sitting. It was both embarrassing and impressive.... and oh-so-deliciously worth it. 

But you know what?  I'm going to share all that stuff with you later, because that's not what this post is about.

This post is about being sad.

After the brunch we got to wander around the Knott's Berry Farm shops and spend our $25 gift certificate.

There was a lot of neat stuff.

There was a lot of cute stuff.

There was a lot of stuff that I wanted to bring home with me.

Brace yourself - this is where it gets sad.

I'm sorry to inform you that, no matter how I tried to work it into the budget, I wasn't able to bring home the agonized, screaming Basketball Player of Doom.

It was a beautiful piece, and I just knew it would be the focal point of our new living room in Portland.

What a conversation piece he would have been.  Can't you just see it?  We could have sat there in our new living room, politely perched on the ends of our visiting room sofa, bonding with our new neighbors as we discussed him in muted tones, taking small sips of our coffee out of our matching coffee cups.

Okay, yeah.  We all know that wouldn't have happened.  The House of Bean doesn't have a "visiting room", much less matching coffee cups.  Also, we have two kids, so if you sit down you're probably going to get crawled on... or, in this house, peed on. 

Still, he would have been so stinking cool. 

Is the agonized, screaming Basketball Player of Doom angry?  Is he in pain?

Is he mad that his ball is broken?  Maybe some jerk just stepped in front of him and stole his taxi at the last second, making him late for his doctor's appointment?

Perhaps he is giving birth?

We'll never know.  I didn't have $300 cash on hand to buy him, and The Bean wouldn't let me put him on my credit card.

Do you see how hard my life is?




Blogger Breathe said...

aw, girl. Here's a shoulder, lean away. hang in there, go hug a puppy, smell warm bread, touch something silky or fuzzy.

Hang in there.

April 29, 2012 at 1:55 PM  
Blogger Bif said...

That's too bad. But he would have been hard to pack. Your worthy fans could chip in and get him as a house warming gift, I suppose...

April 29, 2012 at 5:39 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I have no sympathy. You OWN a house in Portland. Hanging one of these guys up in it would be sacrilegious as you should support your HOME team, the Portland Trailblazers! Sorry, Dear, but The Bean is right. You can't have one of these guys. They're simply not cool enough or a Trailblazer.

You're not really a Californian anymore. Time to start being an Oregonian, babe!

April 29, 2012 at 6:33 PM  
Blogger CG said...

I was trying to figure out how many zeros, were behind the $35... oh my.

April 29, 2012 at 7:26 PM  
Blogger Funder said...

He's a bargain at that price. It's like a modern-day The Scream. Your husband is a meanie.

April 29, 2012 at 8:32 PM  
Blogger AareneX said...

Who cares about the basketball player, I'm worried about the coffee cups.

Have you not yet received your Swampland Orientation Packet? Have you not yet read the "language and vocabulary briefing" yet?

Do you not realize that CUPS of coffee refer to go-cups, usually paper, from an overpriced espresso stand? When one serves coffee to neighbors at home, one uses MUGS, which are not supposed to match. They ARE supposed to sport barely-legible logos from totally-hip-but-now-sadly-defunct hardware stores and booksellers.

Honestly, do you Californians not know anything?

I despair.

April 29, 2012 at 9:49 PM  
Blogger Snipe said...

Was he life-sized? That would increase his awesomeness quotient by at least 200%.

May 1, 2012 at 1:17 PM  
Blogger phaedra96 said...

So sorry..I KNOW how much you wanted this...and then, I ask...WHY? I think it would give me nightmares let alone your about a poster?

May 2, 2012 at 5:18 AM  
Blogger AareneX said...

Nahhhh. Wouldn't scare the kids...unless it was a MONKEY playing basketball.

May 2, 2012 at 6:03 PM  
Blogger Hen Jen said...

I feel your pain. That is really sad. Really. Maybe there is a 12 step program for this?


May 3, 2012 at 10:30 PM  

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