Wednesday, April 11, 2012

Happy Anniversary, Bean

Dear Bean,

See, this is the problem I have with anniversaries.  I should be getting ready for a wonderful, romantic evening with you, where we go out to dinner, or a movie, or something anniversary-ish like that.  It would be really fun to go out and celebrate the fact that four years ago we were exchanging our vows inside of a too-hot courthouse while my mom channeled her inner paparazzi and took pictures of your ear wax. 

Unfortunately, life is too busy.

I’ve got tons of stuff to do work today – I don’t think I’m going to get it all done in time before my boss comes back, and that’s stressing me out.  I suppose I could try to make a big, fancy dinner to show you my love, but I made plans with a friend to meet up at Westminster Mall and let the boys run around and get their energy out.  Besides, I'm not really in the mood to cook, and you’re going to be stuck sitting through whatever boring class it is you have on Wednesday nights (Strategy and Policy, I think?) and you won’t be home until late. 

If this were a movie, when you came home from class I’d be there to greet you at the door in some kind of filmy negligee, my hair shiny and straight, my mouth quirking at the corners as I lead you into the bedroom by your tie (I know you don’t actually wear a tie to work, but just work with me here.) 

Unfortunately, I’m not a night person – I’m a morning person.  By the time you get home, probably after 10:00 pm, if I am still awake I will be tired and grumpy.  My hair will be in a messy ponytail, and I won’t be wearing a negligee.

In fact, come to think of it, I don’t even own a negligee.  I look stupid in them – they don’t make them for women who are tall, so they don’t fit quite right and just look awkward on me.  I’m sure if I bought an expensive one it might fit better, but  I can’t see wasting that much money on something I’m barely going to wear.  I could get a decent pair of jeans for that price, you know.  I guess I could go buy it at Walmart…. But honestly, lingerie from Walmart just sounds kind of gross.  Besides, if I told you where I bought it from you’d probably get angry at me “supporting the Chinese”, and the mood would be ruined.

Where was I?

Oh, yeah.  So, it doesn’t really matter whether I have anything sexy to wear or not, because I’m going to be too tired by the time you come home, and you know I get grumpy when I get tired.  In the interest of honesty, though, if you were to come home early from class it probably wouldn’t get much better.  I’m in a grumpy mood today.  It doesn't seem right to be grumpy on our anniversary, but there you have it.  I’ve been waiting for my grumpiness to lift so I could write you a sweet, loving, heartfelt note, but it doesn’t appear to be going away anytime soon.

It’s not for lack of trying---I’ve actually been trying to come up with sweet nothings all day long.  You’re really good at writing love notes---- me?  Not so much. 

What, do you don’t believe that I’ve been trying?  Well, I have. After almost eight hours at work, here is what I have come up with:

Dear Joe,
I don't like you at all today.  But I do I love you, even though you really got on my nerves when you wouldn’t let me use your cell phone last night.  Still, we're married, and we’re stuck with each other through good, bad and annoying, so here's to another year.


PS:  Heat up the rest of the cold spaghetti in the fridge when you come home tonight.  We need to eat it before it goes bad. 

I also came up with a couple of poems:

Roses are Red
Violets are Blue
It's our anniversary
I’m irritated with you

Roses are red,
The boys’ boogers are green
Now leave me alone
I've had too much Bean

Violets are Blue
Roses are Red
Hooray.  We're still married
Now I'm going to bed

Yeah.  Sorry.  I did warn you that I was grumpy.

Anyways, that's all I've got today.... I know it kind of sucks as far as love notes go, so here are a couple of pictures of things you like to make it a little better:

Happy last-anniversary-spent-living-in-California.

I love you,



Blogger Justaplainsam said...

LOL that was great! Poor Bean, but hey at least you posted cool pictures for him :P

April 11, 2012 at 4:59 PM  
Blogger Half Dozen Farm said...

Happy Anniversary Becky and Bean!

April 11, 2012 at 5:00 PM  
Blogger Dom said...

Yesterday was me and Mike's 6 month (shut up, we're young and mushy and celebrate that). Three people we know and four dogs belonging to friends died. Whoops.

But yes... happy ACTUAL anniversary to you two.

April 11, 2012 at 6:15 PM  
Blogger mugwump said...

Man, all this mushy stuff just makes my skin crawl.

April 12, 2012 at 5:48 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm with Mugs. I don't know you or Bean, but he sounds like a good dad and husband, sometimes it's hard to remember that when they're annoying the crap out of you.

April 12, 2012 at 8:16 AM  
Blogger AareneX said...

Remember this? This is the reason I REALLY need to remember not to read your blog at WORK....!!!

Dangit. They're all lookin' at me again. Your fault.

Remind me how to get Earl Grey tea out of keyboard?

April 12, 2012 at 8:58 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dear Faux-Sister,

I am sorry your anniversary was a shambles with The Bean. We really MUST be sisters, as mine did not fair much better this year either. BadPants tried to take the day off, but took a crisis call that meant he had to work, and lasted until after midnight. His boss says he owes me dinner. I really wish he'd just send flowers when things like this happen instead.

Next year will be better, right? Right!


Your Faux-Sister, OS

April 12, 2012 at 5:58 PM  
Blogger Ruth said...

I don't understand why, but my work computer blocks your blog. It doesn't block ANYONE else's. So I am getting caught up tonight.

Brian and Bean must be cut from the same cloth, since they both can write great love notes and married mouthy ladies who just don't have the attention span for that sort of thing.

I was wondering if it would be OK if I "repurpose" this for my own anniversary (#2!)in...July?... I would be happy to write up something for Bean's birthday so we'll be even.

Anyway, congratulations!

April 24, 2012 at 7:22 PM  
Blogger Kaje, Rob, Jordo said...

After reading this, I actually went online and starting looking up horse material. to make you a nightgown lingerie that wasn't chinese. or too short. or too lingerish, because wearing those to sleep really suck. if you send your measurements, I might actually even do it. lol.

May 30, 2012 at 7:31 AM  
Blogger Kaje, Rob, Jordo said...

After reading this, I actually went online and starting looking up horse material. to make you a nightgown lingerie that wasn't chinese. or too short. or too lingerish, because wearing those to sleep really suck. if you send your measurements, I might actually even do it. lol.

May 30, 2012 at 7:31 AM  

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