Friday, January 13, 2012

Email from My Mom

Here is a little background information you need to know:

We are deep in the throes of potty training the DragonMonkey, a process that has good days, bad days, and oh-wow-is-this-kid-really-my-responsibility days.

Apparently he is shy when it comes to using the toilet, because as soon as you put him on the toilet he immediately begins waving you away with his hand.   It's almost a ritual at this point.

"Go away, Mama.  GO AWAY!" he orders rudely.

"You do NOT talk to adults in that tone of voice, young man.  You apologize this instant."

"Sowwy, Mama."

Pause.

"Pwease go away, Mama?  Pwease?  Shut da doowr?  Pwease go away?"


I am mollified by his polite tone, and leave him behind, shutting the door behind me and standing outside for what seems like hours, awaiting  his demanding bellow of, "Awww done, Mama!  Awwwl done!". At that point I am graciously allowed to enter the bathroom again where I have the unbelievable priviledge of wiping his heiny for him.

It's the little joys in life that make it all worth it.

The other bit of information you need to know is that the DragonMonkey is the proud owner of a cute little purple octopus bath toy.  It's a cheap plastic toy that floats in the water. It's made up of three parts:  the top part (the body) the bottom part (the legs) and and a string you pull on which causes the the legs to spin around like a boat propeller, causing the toy to move sluggishly through the water. 

Okay, now onto the email from my mom:

*****


Dear Becky,


When the DragonMonkey goes to use the toilet, we shall no longer let him have his privacy anymore,


After pooing a truckload in the toilet, he then took his little purple octopus, pulled the string, put it on top of the poop, and then had a blending party in the toilet.  After he was done with the blending he tossed it in the tub and proceeded to further his fun and games.


Your stepfather was not very happy.


At the time, I was in my studio blending for real with a real blender, making baby food for the Squidgelet.  I came in and saw a face on your stepdad that I do not ever want to see again, and the little DragonMonkey taking a much-needed bath.


Have a good day,


The Nanny

*******

Come on.  Admit it.  Aren't you glad he's not yours?

Labels:

15 Comments:

Blogger redhorse said...

What a creative child! My second demented laugh of the day. Thanks.

January 13, 2012 at 11:03 AM  
Blogger sahara4d said...

Aren't you glad that he did that at someone else's house?

January 13, 2012 at 11:06 AM  
Blogger Becky said...

Sahara -

I'm glad he did it on someone else's watch....

But he did do it in my bathroom. :P

January 13, 2012 at 11:31 AM  
Blogger Becky said...

PS: Sahara, you don't have a blog or something with more photos of your horse, do you? That mane is so darn cool looking, I want to see the whole package!

January 13, 2012 at 11:32 AM  
Blogger Veronica Foale said...

I'll swap you for the kid over here who flatly refuses to poo, like, ever. To the point that he gets so blocked up that he leaks, constantly.

Potty training is going badly over here. PS, move to Tasmania please.

January 13, 2012 at 2:10 PM  
Blogger Tracey - Just Another Mommy Blog said...

I'm with Sahara.

I'm also assuming that the octopus is no longer with us?

January 13, 2012 at 4:18 PM  
Blogger mugwump said...

Sometimes being old has its advantages.
Clare wasn't too bad.
I do remember my little brother was a high level "poo artist."

January 13, 2012 at 5:02 PM  
Blogger Dom said...

Remember how you're always telling me I don't want kids? I believe you.

January 13, 2012 at 9:05 PM  
Blogger AareneX said...

Glad he's not mine?

I'm glad I got my kids when they were 16 and I was in my mid-40's.

That's the way to do it...sort of the human-child equivalent of choosing an adult dog at the pound, I think.

January 13, 2012 at 11:20 PM  
Blogger Cowboy Jim, formerly the Asparagus Stalker said...

Yes. Yes, I am.




*snerk*

January 13, 2012 at 11:22 PM  
Blogger Jamethiel Crabb said...

Okay, Becky, seriously not helping. This is what I have to look forward to with our kid? Terrifying. Thank you so much, really...
WV: Conan....self explanatory

January 14, 2012 at 12:04 AM  
Blogger Breathe said...

My least favorite phase of mothering is this one. I take diapers over the "you wipe my demanding ass" any day.

I trust the octopus is now blending a landfill?

January 15, 2012 at 5:55 AM  
Blogger sahara4d said...

Becky, I don't have a blog but I can send you pictures if you want. I keep meaning to write a Mouthy Monday on how I got Bryce for Mugs blog. I'm not a writer so I have to force myself. lol!

January 15, 2012 at 10:40 AM  
Blogger mel said...

Becky- I'm not having children. Ever. I'm gonna leave that fun to you.
OT- Jamethiel Crabb, did you go to Sterling? I clicked on your photo and it looked familiar. I graduated in 2000 but grew up in southern VT...

January 17, 2012 at 9:53 AM  
Blogger Jamethiel Crabb said...

Mel- I was at Sterling, from 2006 and I graduated in 2010. Lived around Middlebury before moving back to the Pacific Northwest. Spent a lot of time in Anne Morse's classes & following the Draft horse manager, Rick Thomas, around like a puppy dog!

January 25, 2012 at 8:31 PM  

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