Friday, November 18, 2011

Bugs, Beer, and Lizards: Part Two

Hey Becky,

I was just reading the comments again and I would really like to answer some of them, but my lack of computer skills won't let me. Translation: I don't know how.

First:  the small lizards here in thailand are over populated, to say the least. I have had them fall on my head from opening doors. I have found them in the refrigerator, dead from the cold. How did they get through the air tight seal? I know they chew their way through the screens in the windows - I see the holes they make, so I imagine they are ruining the seal to the refrigerator.

I agree -  it is very nice and helpful of them to eat the bugs I have in the house....  however, after eating the bugs they digest them..... and you can imagine the step after digestion. Well, they have not had a decent upbringing as far as I can tell -  they just let it go anywhere they feel like. It's kind of like having a herd of mini horses living all over your walls and ceiling.

Lizards, I believe, also like water, and since there are two rooms that are known to have water in the house that is where they mostly live. The bathroom I can take.  I don't really like the fact that little 'wall-horses" are staring at me while I do my business but I can live with it.

Then there is the kitchen, where the food and the clean dishes are kept. If the dishes aren't washed and put away this will cause the local bug population to congregate in the kitchen...and what likes to eat bugs?  We're back to lizards again -  and the eating, and the digesting, and.... I think you get the picture. 

There are three permanent lizard-residents in my bathroom (known residents) and another four in the kitchen.  There are at least two in the living room.  The light is left on all night in the carport, for security reasons. This attracts at least nine lizards, so if you total the known lizards inside and outside, they number eighteen. When scared the outside lizards run to the eaves and into the attic.  I can only guess there are more there.

So to round off how many lizards I have, a very conservative guess would be thirty. On the block where I live there are only four houses, so that makes at least 120 known lizards. In a one mile radius I am going to guess there are approximately 128 houses.  With four houses per block and eight blocks per mile, in all four directions this is 3,840 lizards per square mile.  Keep in mind these are only the known or seen lizards.

Now, without wanting to step on anyone's toes, every lizard within 20 miles would be 76,800 lizards. Now, I do have a cat that helps me control the population, but these are only the seen lizards. I think the number can be at least doubled, because only one other cat lives near by. I know this because of the mating season, but that is a whole other story I don't want to get into.

Okay,  back to the little digesting machines.  We are now at about 153,000 of them, if you want invite every lizard (seen and unseen) from a 20 mile radius into your house. I honestly think this would chase the cat away - there would be just too many. They would be everywhere. With the mess and (as I have mentioned) the midnight chirping, it would drive you insane.  I am not sure a human could endure this.

Now, what would follow the little lizards here?  Well, bigger lizards for the food, and also, I believe snakes like an occasional lizard or two. Since I have already had to kill a snake in my living room and, while lying on the couch watching t.v., I watched one raise its head to look in,  and the before mentioned king cobra encounter (Becky in:  I'll post this story later), I am just not ready for that much nature in my yard or house.

As for the one commenter who lectures her cats, maybe she could teach my lizards to use the bathroom in a designated area. I would be more than happy to have a lizard bathroom installed.   Until then I will treat them just like I would a human. If a house guest was seen pooping in my kitchen or if they roamed the house in the middle of the night yelling very loud "I WANT SEX" then they too would have to go  If they refused, then I would probably look for another pointed stick.

Anyway, life here is a little more interesting. I am looking forward to seeing the DragonMonkey again and teaching him some more tricks. To paraphrase an old saying, revenge is a dish best served after your kid grows up and has kids of her own.



Blogger redhorse said...

Well, it sounds like we've just seen the tip of the iceberg on the lizard stories. Lucky you, you have your dad in case things get dull.

Dragonmonkey is also lucky, what a great role model he'll have in life. Make sure those two get together soon.

November 18, 2011 at 12:45 PM  
Blogger Laura Crum said...

Too funny. Wasn't it mugwump who wanted him to invite all those lizards into the house? I think your dad has a real talent for comic travel writing--reminds me of a writer named (I think--my memory is not so good any more) Tim Cahill. At his best this guy wrote some truly hilarious stuff about some wonderfully exotic locations. Your dad is definitely in that class--or better.

November 18, 2011 at 2:10 PM  
Blogger Justaplainsam said...

LMFAO your dad is so funny! He needs his own day on the blog to keep us up to date with his 'experences'. :) The boys will love his stories as they get older.

November 18, 2011 at 4:32 PM  
Blogger Dom said...

I like lizards... to the point where I wouldn't mind them falling on my head.

November 21, 2011 at 1:25 PM  
Blogger Alyssa said...

So it's not like I've been reading your blog since I got home yesterday (thanks for hanging out at convention!) but OMG Tokay geckos.

Also, you're hilarious.

January 20, 2013 at 1:56 PM  

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