Friday, January 20, 2012

Conversations With My Dog


"C'mon, Max.  Time to come out of your kennel."

Tick Tick TICK!  TICKTICKTICK!  TICKETYTICKTICKTICK!  TICKTICKTICKTICKTICKTICKTICKTICKTICKTICKTICKTICKTICKTICKTICK...

"Max, no running in the house.  Settle down, you're going to wake up the babies.  Here, go outside and go potty."


TICKTICKTICKTICKTICKTICK -


"MAX!  Get back here.  Max, COME.  Good boy.  Now go outside."


Tick. :( Tick. :(  Tick.  :( Tick.  :(


Silence.


"Max, you actually need to pee before you can come back inside."


Silence.


"I am completely unmoved by the big, sad, "I'm-so-abused" look you're giving me.  GO.  Go potty, Max.  Good boy.  There, see, was that so hard?  You can come inside now."


TICKTICKTICKTICKTICKTICKTICKTICKTICKTICKTICKTICKTICKTICKTICK!  TICKETY! TICKETY! TICKETY! TICKTICKTICKTICKTICKETY!


"Max!  No running in the house - relax, dog.  You're going to wake up the DragonMonkey."


TICKETYTICKETY!  TICKETYTICKETY!  TICKTICKTICKTICKTICKTICKTICKTICK---


"LAY DOWN, MAX.  Good boy.  Geez, didn't we just trim your nails?"


Tick.  Tickticktick.  Tickticktick.  WHUMP.  Sigh.


"Good boy."


Tick?  :D  Tick? :D  Tick? :D Ticktick :D?


"I said 'Good boy', not come here.  Go lay down."


Tick :(  Tick :(  TickTick :( :(


"Okay, fine.  C'mere."


TICK :D :D !!!! Tickticktick!!!! :D :D :D :) :) :) TICKTICKTICKTICKTICK!


"Yes, you're a good boy.  Good dog.  Here, let me get the eye crumblies out of the corner of your eye.  Ewww.  There.  All better?  Good boy, yes you are.  You're a good boy.  Now lay down, right here."


WHUMP.  Sigh.



.....


.........


................


Tick, tick, tick, tick, tick.  Tick, tick, tick -



"Maaaaaax!"



Tickticktick?


"You better not be going down that hallway to drink out of the toilet."


Ticktickticktick :(  WHUMP.  Sigh.


"That's right.  You stay out out of there.  Good boy."



......



..........



................



tickticktickticktickticktickticktickticktick



"Hi, Max!  Mama, Max open doowr!  Hi, Max.  Up?  Up on da bed?  Sweep wif Max?"

"Max, get out of there!  Quit sneaking down the hall and waking him up!  No, DragonMonkey, you can't sleep with Max.  Max, GO.  And you - go back to sleep, DM."

"Pwease?  PWEASE?  PWEASE SWEEP WIF MAX?  PWEASE?"

"No.  He'll go pee in your room in the middle of the night.  Max sleeps in his bed.  Now go back to sleep.  Max, GO.  Go lay down"


Tick :(  Tick :(  Tick :( Tick :( 



WHUMP.  Sigh.



.........




.................




...........................




tickticktickticktickticktickticktickticktick



"Max, come here.  I see you sneaking down the hallway.  Come lay by me so I can keep you out of mischief.  The DragonMonkey's fine. Quit trying to check on him - you're just waking him up."




Tick :(  Tick :(  Tick :( Tick :(  


Tickticktick.  Tickticktick.  Tickticktick.

Tickticktick.  Tickticktick.  Tickticktick.

Tickticktick.  Tickticktick.  Tickticktick.

Tickticktick.  Tickticktick. Tickticktick.



"Max, you're stuck on circle mode.  Just lay down and relax, dog.  Your nails are driving me crazy."



Tickticktick.  Tickticktick.  Tickticktick.  WHUMP.  Sigh.


"Good boy, Max."


Tick? :D  Tick? :D  Ticktick? :) :) :) :)


"No, I didn't call you.  Just lay down, Max.  You're a good boy, but just lay down."



Tickticktick.  Tickticktick.  Tickticktick.

Tickticktick.  Tickticktick. Tickticktick.

Ticktick---






I swear the next place I live is going to have floor to ceiling carpet. 








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9 Comments:

Blogger Laura Crum said...

My dog is ticking tick ticking across the floor towards me as I type. Can somebody tell me what it is that makes that sound so annoying? I love my dog, I hate wall to wall carpet, yes her nails get clipped....but tick, tick, tick all day long can get to you. Very clever post.

January 20, 2012 at 2:32 PM  
Blogger redhorse said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

January 20, 2012 at 2:59 PM  
Blogger redhorse said...

Max is sooo cute. I think he should be allowed to sleep with the DM. They look so sweet together. Wouldn't I make a good grandma?

January 20, 2012 at 4:13 PM  
Blogger Dom said...

I love the sound of their nails ticking. I can hear Herbie's end of the 'conversation' in the morning when Bryce gets ready for work. You've got it down to an art. Hehehehe.

January 21, 2012 at 11:06 AM  
Blogger Breathe said...

ROFL. Best dog story ever.

Good boy Max.

January 21, 2012 at 6:18 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Baby gate. It will keep him from pushing the door open. But, be glad he doesn't have a sniffer so powerful as to wake DM and ruin his life! Nick's boxer did that to Riley when he was 5. All Eddie (the boxer) did was sniff him.

Try dremeling Max's nails. That might help.

-OS

January 21, 2012 at 8:50 PM  
Anonymous kschorsewoman said...

my husband calls our 18 year old heeler "Tiny Dancer" as his are the only foot steps that wake him up. I on the other hand dont hear them till he tells him to go lay down. then I hear the click click click on the tile. We also call him the "Bull Nose Dolphine" as he can open any door in the house by just jamming his nose in the corner of the door.

January 21, 2012 at 9:36 PM  
Blogger Bif said...

Isn't this the truth of it!!

January 22, 2012 at 7:02 PM  
Blogger AareneX said...

I like the sound. But I only have hard floors in the kitchen (yes, the bizarre people who built our house put carpet in the bathroom, it's gross) so I use the noise to discern when a dog is trespassing while I cook. >g<

January 27, 2012 at 9:45 PM  

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