Monday, September 5, 2011

Reasons I Really Don't Like Horses

I have to be honest - horses aren't perfect.

I know, I know, I go on and on in this blog about how much I am jonesing like a crack addict miss them slightly and would very much like to have them in my life again.

The thing is, I think I've been painting a rather lopsided picture of owning a horse. Since I don't want anybody out there to get an inaccurate picture of what owning a horse is all about, I have come up with a comprehensive list of why horses sometimes suck.

Brace yourself - this won't make for easy reading.

  1. Alfalfa down your bra on a sweaty day

  2. Digging out "the pee spot"

  3. The way your boots never smell the same after digging out "the pee spot"

  4. Mucking out stalls after a rain and how an inch of water from the sky translates into manure that has the same basic weight and density as Osmium

  5. The cost

  6. Poky boogers created by dust and alfalfa that stab the inside of your nostrils

  7. The way horses ONLY sneeze on your clean shirt when you are sneaking by for a quick scratch before going to work

  8. The way they always pass gas whenever you clean their back hooves

  9. updated after Lyatha reminded me I forgot one of the worst parts: The way they'll take a big drink of water or a big bite of wet food riiiiiight before lovingly resting their chin on your shoulder... and dribbling it down the neck of your shirt.

That's about all I can think of. I'm sorry I had to do that - I know it was tough to read, but I did think it was time for a little honesty on this blog.

Sometimes horses are just awful.... just so, so awful.



Anonymous Anonymous said...

Even grass hay down your bra on a cold day is no fun! But, I agree, it's much worse when you're sweaty!

September 5, 2011 at 10:31 AM  
Blogger lytha said...

omgosh you're so right.

did you happen to see the mud shots of my horse lately? i haven't had a clean horse since april. he rolls in mud every day, fully supplied by a rainy humid suffocating summer. he's a white (grey) horse so the mess is so bad i'm afraid animal control might come.

a friend of mine who loves arabians saw my horse's photos and said "OH MY GOD NO MORE GREYS!"

in texas i think you could have a grey horse.

in west germany, ugh.

oh, you know what though, i've never been pooped on by a horse. farted on a million times, yes. you did not mention it so i assume you have not been poo'd upon either. but before work last week i thought i'd trim the front hooves. that would normally be fine except i chose to do it when he was eating his sloppy beet pulp mash. he dribbled it all over my head and back and i was pulling chunks out of my hair all day. better than poo, but still!

September 5, 2011 at 12:08 PM  
Blogger Becky said...

Lytha - I live in a dry climate, so muddy horses aren't a usual occurrence.

You were absolutely right about the dribbly food though, so I put that in there.

OS: hay down your bra just plain sucks, but when you're all nasty and sweaty on a 100+ degree day, it really almost makes you rethink owning the expensive beasties.

September 5, 2011 at 12:30 PM  
Blogger Veronica Foale said...

Nice to see that you're presenting a balanced view of horse ownership here.


September 6, 2011 at 3:44 AM  
Blogger Redneck Geologist said...

How about the smell from you boots gets transfered to you vehicle but you don't notice because you are used to it. Then you take a client out and he looks at you funny when he gets in your vehicle. Then a couple days later a co-worker (that wants to live in the country) gets in your vehicle and exclaims, "I love the way your car smells. It smells like a barnyard!" Gotta love it. My vehicle is vacuumed on a regular basis too!

September 6, 2011 at 7:58 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Okay I have one that can beat hay in your bra!!! HORSE HAIR in your bra, your eyeballs, your nose, throat and in your underwear!!!! ITCHY ITCHY ITCHY!!!

I lived in AZ and we gave our horses a blanket trim every winter to help them cool out after working them and my mare was half Arabian and half Bashkir Curly. It was everywhere!!! And it didn't matter if you zipped your coat up to your chin and wore glasses and a dust mask. Should be used for one can stand that itch!!

September 6, 2011 at 4:54 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Horse hair at shedding time + wind + chapstick! I think that's worse than hay in your bra!

September 6, 2011 at 7:03 PM  
Blogger mugwump said...


September 7, 2011 at 8:43 AM  
Anonymous Bad Pants said...

If the list includes anything other than "THE COST" and "THEY STEP ON YOU" then I think she doth protest too much...

September 8, 2011 at 6:33 PM  

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