Monday, June 21, 2010



I’m sorry, guys. I don’t know why I’m telling you this, but I am.

So, this weekend I had a unique puking experience. I was sitting in front of the computer when I suddenly realized I had made the huge mistake of letting my stomach get slightly empty.

On a side note: Dear Squidgelet. You are the size of a kidney bean. Do you have any idea how pathetically small that is? I know you don’t want to hear this, but really. C’mon. Do you REALLY need me to eat every 45 minutes? You do realize that one bite of a hamburger would be enough calories to feed you for a week, right? If you’re really worried about our supply, have you even taken a moment to look around? Don’t you see that gigantic bubble butt Mama’s carting around with her? I assure you’ve I’ve packed away ample supplies for, oh, two pregnancies. And a small third-world nation. Seriously, kid. Lighten up. I’ve got this whole not-starving thing under control.

Anyways, like I was saying, I had committed the cardinal sin of not cramming food down my mouth for at least an hour. CRAP. Desperate, I lunged at the nearest bit of food I could find--- which just so happened to be an opened bag of Skittles.

Cool. It’s not often that you can find uneaten candy lurking around the Bean household, so I definitely hit jackpot. I wolfed the package down rapidly, and sat sweating in front of the computer, trying to see if I had eaten in time.

I hadn’t.

Right about the time I felt that weird, prickly, cold sweat start on my upper lip, I knew. So, off to the bathroom I dashed, scrabbling to tie my hair back in a scrunchy. I made it, but just in time.

And do you know what?

Skittles puke is rather artistic. The colors mix together like a vibrant little easter egg, and it’s actually quite pretty.

No, no, really. It is.

No, REALLY. I’m being serious here.

I want you all to know that I came THIIIIIIIIIIS close to hollering at the Bean like an excited pre-schooler when I was done. “Bean! Come in here! Look what I made!”

What made the whole experience even a little more fun, was the entire time I was heaving into the toilet, I heard that darn girl’s voice whispering in my head. Sigh.

I'm such a victim of marketing campaigns.

"Skittles. Taste the rainbow."

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Anonymous Marylin said...

LOL! I love it!! The same thing happens with Smarties btw... ;)

June 21, 2010 at 5:28 PM  
Blogger Albigears said...

I must admit, I'd rather learn these things through you than in real life. So, thanks. I think.

June 21, 2010 at 6:31 PM  
Blogger RuckusButt said...

YOU are the BEST birth control ever! Thank you. I don't always comment but do always read. You are hilarious. And I'm sorry about the puking.

June 21, 2010 at 7:23 PM  
Blogger Veronica said...

Skittles: Not your average morning sickness cure.

June 21, 2010 at 9:27 PM  
Blogger AareneX said...

Careful, gal. You're gonna lose the bubblebutt in a hurry if the kidneybean continues as your personal trainer.

WV: nomet
a leetle teeny bite of something a chocolate-covered green skittle.

June 22, 2010 at 8:15 AM  

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