Thursday, May 5, 2011

Mother of the Year Award. Again.

What's wrong, DragonMonkey? You look concerned.

Wow, you look really upset. What's wrong?

What's that you say? "Ewww"? Show mama.

Oh, is that all? Silly boy. That's not ewww. That's a lizard. It's pretty big, too. Wait back there - let Mama take a picture.

See? A lizard. It's nothing to be scared of.

Wait. What? You want me to pick it up for you? Ummm, yeah. I'd rather not. Here. Here's a stick. Maybe if you poke it the lizard will decide to run away and Mama can go back to... well, actually Mama wasn't doing anything all that interesting, but she's pretty sure she can find something more interesting than staring at a motionless lizard.

No, Matty. Don't just squat there and wave the stick at it. The ground is cold, and lizards are cold blooded. As such, when their blood has cooled they tend to be more sluggish--- Oh. Wait. Never mind. That's too much information for a two year old.


DragonMonkey, poke.

Poke at it with the stick. For goodness' sakes, aren't boys supposed to have some sort of natural rapport with lizards, or something?

There you. Good job. I'll keep taking pictures because I want to document your cute little expression of surprise when it runs away.

Wow, that's a really lazy lizard. Here, give Mama the stick. She'll poke it and it will run away. It needs to find a place to hide before our evil cats find it.

Wow. That lizard is laaaazy.

Lazy, lazy, lazy.




Yeah, uhh... DragonMonkey? Stop poking. Mama's pretty sure that lizard is....

Yup. Dead.

No, really, gross. Eww. Stop poking at it.

EWWWW! You flipped it over! Gross! Ewwww!

Great. Now I've just taught you how to harass dead animals. First step dead lizards, next step juvenile hall.

No, no, don't be upset. I'm not angry at you. I'm just sad. Sad for the lizard.

No, wait, don't cry! Don't cry! Here. Let's go play in the front yard.

What's that? You're concerned about the lizard? Don't worry. Dada will throw it away bury it when he comes home.

Oh, Beeeeeaaan.....



Blogger AareneX said...

yousa one baaaaaaad mommy. yessa. baaaaaaad.

May 5, 2011 at 8:15 PM  
Blogger Robert said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

May 6, 2011 at 5:35 AM  
Blogger Rob and Kaje said...

lol! aw poor dragonmonkey. now with my husband and our our household that would have either resulted in a lesson on how to sever the head from the body (in case zombies rule the world you never want to leave a carcass untouched!) or how to best prepare a dead lizard for food in case the end of the world comes.

yeah...i might join you on the "bad mommy" pedestal. :-)

May 6, 2011 at 5:36 AM  
Blogger Veronica said...

A victim of the cat?

So, my daughter crouched down behind the TV this morning and yelled 'LOOK MUMMY! We caught ANOTHER MOUSE. YAY!'

Next think I know, she is waving a mouse trap at me, complete with dead mouse hanging out of it. And she was proud of herself.

And all I could think was 'thank god she knew that trap was there' - because I certainly didn't.

May 6, 2011 at 4:26 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm laughing! That is exactly the reaction I'd have too. It's probably a good thing kids don't remember much of their first few years - gives us time to figure out the whole parenting thing!

May 6, 2011 at 6:55 PM  
Blogger Fyyahchild said...

Rob and Kaje - Are we related? LOL! Sounds just like lessons around my house.

May 9, 2011 at 6:25 AM  

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