Monday, April 30, 2007

My Boyfriend's Gorgeous Sister

Okay, so as much as I enjoy making my self-deprecating comments, I'm actually not that unhappy with how I look. I may not be the next winning contestant on America's Top Model, but neither am I going to be confused for Jabba the Hutt's twin sister. I'm blessed in a lot of ways that I take for granted. I'm tall enough that I can reach allll the little Tupperware on the top shelf, but not so tall that it's a major inconvenience. I complain about my extra pounds, but I also never have to go hungry. While my body occasionally wages war on itself (Rheumatoid Arthritis), it's never so bad that it permanently affects my mobility. Reminding myself of what it could be like keeps me from getting to whiny.

So, now that I have convinced you that I'm not a truly terrible person, please allow me a few moments of shallowness.

My boyfriend's sister is a model.

Yes, that's right. A model. This is a fact that bothers me in no small way. Now, I'm sure that all the women out there understand the full implications of what I just said, but just in case, let me explain it. If Jeff had grown up with an ugly, hunchbacked, pockmarked weasel of a sister, then I wouldn't have to do very much to impress him. All I would have to do is just bathe occasionally, and maybe change my clothes from time to time, and viola! I would be wonderful in comparison. Unfortunately, since his sister is absolutely stunning, I'm faced with a little bit of a dilemma.

I'm not really a make-up and cutesy-clothes kind of a girl. In fact, I pride myself on being low-maintenance. My life tends to have enough drama in it without me adding superficial worries to the mix. Of course, it may just be that I've made a virtue out of necessity as I am a complete dork when it comes to anything having to do with fashion. I've now resorted to actually having Jeff choose my outfits when we're going somewhere nice. It's pathetic. Oh, and don't get me started on my make-up abilities. If I try to apply anything more than a simple coat of mascara, I usually end up looking like some sort of weird clown-hooker.

So, now that I've established my total lack of experience in this whole area, let me expound upon the inner indignity I have to suffer whenever I hang around Jeff's Gorgeous Sister.... for anonymity's sake, we'll call her Dimples (because, of course, she has two big, gorgeous dimples.) She's 5'11, 130 pounds of taut, slender perfection. Now, at 5'9, I'm not really used to feeling short, at least not next to other women. Nonetheless, every time I stand next to her, I feel myself shrinking, shrinking, shrinking...

After ten minutes of hanging out with her, I start feeling like the world's first human pygmy goat.

Did I mention Dimples' creamy skin, or her thick-lashed green eyes? How about her rich cascade of gleaming, chestnut hair.... or her long, long shapely legs? She also has a natural perky-yet-nicely-substantial bosom. And if that weren't enough... she sings, and she's a nationally-ranked ballroom dancer. Yes, that's right. This is the woman that Jeff grew up with. I don't care what he says... spending his formative years with that stunning beauty flowing gracefully around the house had to have some kind of impact on how he expects a woman to look. Why oh why couldn't she be short, stubby and pockmarked? This girl was winning national awards based on her beauty and grace while I was still attempting to manage the art of walking through a doorway without clipping my shoulder on the frame--- and I still haven't gotten it down completely. For that matter, if I could manage to make it through one weekend with Jeff without accidentally elbowing him in the eye or stepping on his glasses, I think he'd break out in a chorus of Hallelujahs. Poor guy. Seriously though, I think that if anything ever happens to Jeff and I, I'm going to screen all future relationship applicants to weed out this situation from ever happening again. Eleanor Roosevelt may have said that no one can make you feel inferior without your consent, but Eleanor Roosevelt didn't have to spend her weekends hanging around this:



Blogger julia said...

Wow - and I thought I had it bad because my boyfriend is a marathoner and I weigh almost as musch as him (and he's half a foot taller than me). This is waaaayyy worse. I am so sorry for your misfortune. I would feel just like you, I think. It sucks when she's super nice, too, so you can't really dislike her :(

This story is a great example of why life is easier for men.

May 2, 2007 at 5:16 PM  
Anonymous Sarah said...

Yeah! And if it's not that they have a hot sister, they have a hot MOM of all things! Frigging crap. And don't you dare forget that I am 5'5" (5'4.75, actually). I guess I could go on. But if it means anything, Becky, I think you're freaking hot. And... Jeff must think you're not-so-bad either. ;)

May 2, 2007 at 8:18 PM  
Blogger baitisj said...

Honey, you're the most beautiful woman in the world.

May 3, 2007 at 1:19 PM  
Anonymous melles said...

I totally understand how you feel as I am pretty much in the same boat. At 5"2 100pounds I don't feel fat, but simply because my boyfriend's sister is 5"11 and models, I somehow feel inadequate and ugly. Standing next to her and my boyfriend is the worst as I seem to disappear from the scene all together due to our height difference. What was worse was that when we had dinner with my friend (who is 5"6), the waiter assumed I was with the 5"6 dude, and that my boyfriend and his sister were a couple. I know the entire issue appears crazy to most people, but I understand what you are feeling!

December 26, 2007 at 6:14 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

ahhh i totally know how you feel my boyfriend is about to sign with FORD models and here i am a plain jane.

January 5, 2009 at 2:37 PM  

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